I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
