your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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