Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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