When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Randomize
