I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
