I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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