I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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