so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
