it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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