White coat. Heels.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
