And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
