p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
