I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
