So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
