I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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