i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
