So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
