You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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