Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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