i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
false alarm. still invincible.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I made him laugh his dick is mine
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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