Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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