I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
