somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
