Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
