I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
