Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
