$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
