Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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