I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
