I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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