just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
