I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
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i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
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There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
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