Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
