I cut my penus on the lid.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
