My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
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She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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