One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
