I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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