this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
