I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize