I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
