I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
