i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
