guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
