don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
