hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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