After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
