Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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