that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
