checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
What changed your mind?
Being sober
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
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