i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
