I want to have your abortion
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
