Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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