Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize