Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need to align my fucking chakras
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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