When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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