My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
