so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
