I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
