then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize