too bad you live with your parents still
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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