New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I intend to get homeless drunk
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
