so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
