I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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