College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
