Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
