I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
