swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
