I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
