so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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